The Cinderella Syndrome
I was thinking about romantic relationships the other day and how much my view about them has changed. I realized that I still had a lot of misconceptions about relationships and my expectations of them. I was still unconsciously infected with what I call the 'Cinderella or Pretty Woman Syndrome' among many others. The way society has taught us to view relationships is outdated. It has become an old paradigm. We are an evolving species and in our evolution the way we look at ourselves and interact with others must also evolve. Yet we hang on so tightly to what we have always known and been taught. We see the destruction of relationships all around us. It is has become an epidemic. But I tell you that it is an epidemic of a good kind because you cannot create a new structure without first tearing down the old one. You are seeing the faltering of relationships because as a collective we now wish to see something different. We are longing for a new way of relating to each other. We just have not become aware of what that way is yet. For generations we have viewed relationships in what most would call "traditional". When we meet someone new we immediately start imagining what the future will bring. We have ourselves married to this person, having children or integrating families and imagining a life with them before the first date is even over. We are already hanging on tightly to a romantic ideal that we feel we must have, often suffocating it before it even gets out of the gate. We are so desperate in our quest to find "the one" that we often compromise are values and preferences just to have someone fill the void we feel inside. Then we are left wondering why its not working out a few months or a few years later. We find ourselves in this unending pattern of failed relationships thinking we have done something wrong and/or blaming the other person for the failure. The only failure is the failure to truly see ourselves as individuals and to closely and most honestly examine who we really are and what we truly desire. We are looking for someone to build our foundation for us when we are the only ones who can build it. We then blindly attempt to erect a relationship structure in the dirt hoping it won't rain too much because we instinctively know it will collapse. We are looking for someone to make us happy and lift us up before we have learned to do it for ourselves. So when a partner leaves and tears down the structure we are left with the mud instead of a solid foundation in which to rebuild.
The days of the "Pollyanna, Cinderella, Sugar Daddy and Dominatrix type relationships, just to name a few, are over. There are so many boxes for so many types of relationships and all of them unhealthy. I know you get the idea so I won't define them here. We are in the middle of a new energy shift on this planet and these types of "dominating/co-dependent/fix me/look after me" relationships will no longer work. They have and will continue to become less and less satisfying over time. It is time we each stand on our own two feet and claim our own individual power as men and women. It is time to throw away old stereotypes and allow each person to be who they naturally are and fall into the role that suits them best rather than taking on a stereotypical role that is not pleasing to them just for the sake of being with someone. It is time to embrace and honour the delicious differences and similarities between men and women and how we can beautifully compliment one another. It's time to point the finger at ourselves and take responsibility for our thoughts and actions. By no means am I suggesting that we all become independent and alone. Far from it. We need and want each other. As a human species we are hard wired to be in a couple and/or groups for this is what gives us great strength and promotes love and compassion. This is being interdependent. It is you having you and someone else at the same time while being in support of each other. There is compromise when needed but not sacrifice of self. It is two whole and complete people coming together and combining the love and support to build a fortress that no storm or force can penetrate. The only way the fortress would come down is when those two people mutually decide to dismantle it.
In my own quest to unravel the seeming confines of a relationship, it occurred to me that perhaps there should be no definition at all. For it is those definitions that hold us back and keep us stuck. So for a moment, I threw away everything I ever learned or experienced about relationships and envisioned a relationship without definitions, conditions or boundaries. What I saw were two people who were only concerned about the moment that they were in - nothing else. No expectations and no worry or desperation of future outcome. Each moment that they were in was building into the next natural step without any control or force. Because they were free of expectations and conditions they were able to truly enjoy and pleasure each other in a way that was mind blowing. Not just sexually but in all the ways one can give and receive pleasure. They were not concerned as to whether it would last long term or only for one night. Because they were living each moment in the now, they could trust that everything would unfold as it should and the purpose of them coming together would soon be revealed. Conversely, if they were not enjoying the moment they were in, each person was mature and healthy minded enough to acknowledge the disconnect and respectfully move on, knowing that new preferences were being born and a new partner was being summoned by the universe. Therefore, there was no disappointment nor hostility. Only love and mutual respect.
So what I am saying here is that the high divorce rate you see is part of the evolutional shift that I mentioned earlier. The old has to break away before the new can emerge. The breaking away is the ugly part but just because it is ugly does not mean it's bad or wrong. It is all part of a beautiful transformation that is listening to the hearts of the people. It is asking for your patience as it unfolds answering prayers for a better planet, overall fulfillment and of course, true love.
Namaste my friends.♥ JC